Birth Partners and Doulas
Another one of our most Frequently Asked Questions during consults - “My partner isn’t sure about having someone extra in the room, what does that look like?” “Will my spouse feels like they are being replaced?”
One of the goals of doula support is to support the labor and birth process. That often involves more than just the one who is laboring. But her support team as well; her partner. I cannot speak for other doulas, but I can give you insight to how I run my practice, Maryland Birth Services, and what that looks like from myself and the energy I put into supporting both clients AND their partner!
Step one: Prenatal preparation. What is the vision for you and your partner? What does doula support look like for both of you? Are there any physical or emotional limitations that I can be aware of? Strengths or weaknesses that you would like to share from either the mother or the partner? What topics would you each like to learn more about? Some partners want to be hands on and can! Some want to be hands on, but cannot for a variety of reasons. Some partners don’t want to be hands on- or the laboring mother would prefer to have the doula be more hands on. All of these scenarios will be talked about prenatally so that both parties are supported and enjoying this part of the process. Together we will make a plan that best suites your needs.
Step two: In Labor. The day has arrived and laboring is beginning. This part of the process evolves differently for everyone. Your doula is on standby ready to help assess, troubleshoot, answer questions, give feedback and tips, to either the partner or the laboring mother. Typically- it starts out conversing with Mom while at home, then slowly transfers to the partner as things progress and pick up. So again, we work together. I will remind you both of any birth wishes and preferences. I will encourage hydration and nutrition. Reminding you both to rest when possible. Reminding of what to look for in case of emergency or when to call your provider.
If the plan is for me to arrive to your home and labor with you, I will communicate with you or your parter to see when is the best time for me to arrive. If the plan is to meet at the center or hospital, then we will make sure we align things to make that plan happen. Your wishes and goals are in the forefront and together with your partner, we will do all we can to make that happen.
As labor progresses - we will again implement the goals and wishes that were discussed prior, as well as continually reassess to how things are going and if anything needs to change. I can assist your partner in rotating to provide counter pressure on your back. I can teach ideas such as double-hip squeezing and “shaking the apple tree” which are excellent techniques in labor for relaxing and progress of labor. I can stay with you while your partner takes a walk to get some fresh air, grabs some lunch or coffee, use the shower or even take a quick nap. I can bring calm support and take your first family photos in a c-section birth. After all, my birth time with clients ends about 60-90 minutes after baby arrives, providing all is healthy and well. Parents jobs though are just beginning and having a well-nourished and rested partner can be just the support YOU need.
I have one goal in my time with my clients: How can I best support in this life-changing event? Doulas are meant to support the birth team. If that is your husband or spouse, mother or sister, maybe a best friend- a doula can be a resource to all that you choose as your support system.
Do you have additional questions or thoughts? Happy to chat over coffee to answer those questions! Be well!