When you disagree with your Care Provider - let’s unpack this!
……. How can you respond or react when you are at an appointment and you are being told information that you don’t agree with? Or if you receive test results that confuse you even more? Or you are asked to do something that just isn’t sitting well with you.
I want to remind those who are reading this- YOU are in charge of your medical care. YOU have the right to accept or decline anything. You also have the right to true Consent-Based Care.
The Miriam-Webster definition of consent is:
A verb: meaning to give approval or assent. To agree.
Or a noun: compliance in or approval of what is done or proposed by another. An agreement as to action or opinion.
The acceptance or denial of something needs to come from you. Implied consent is not enough. “I’ll think about it” isn’t your approval for an unwanted vaginal exam. “Maybe I should think about it” isn’t enough for your water to be broken during a cervical check. You’re provider saying: “Let’s just do it. We’ll see what the outcome is” in relation to a blood test or certain monitoring - and you not responding with acceptance or denial is NOT consent.
State your preferences and needs up front. Lead the conversation for what you will respond to in favor or in denial.
But what happens if you are being told something similar to“Your pelvis looks small for the size baby you are carrying- I recommend a C-section”. Or “Our practice believes that induction is safer and more controlled than spontaneous labor. We will schedule an induction at 39.5 weeks” (this happens OFTEN!)
The response can be a simple one. “I do not give my consent for this. I would like to see the evidence of this procedure/practice/expected outcome before I make any decisions.” It’s not up to you to find the evidence. It is the person demanding to give you that information.
The other response I tell my doula-clients to use: “Is this an emergency?” Is what is happening now an emergency to make emergent decisions? If you are feeling rushed- say it! Its ok to say- “I’m feeling very nervous that this conversation seems emergent! Is something wrong with me or my baby?” By asking clarifying questions it gives your providers the opportunity to bridge that gap and create a more positive conversation.
A few great ways to prepare in advance for these different conversations:
Take Childbirth classes! A comprehensive class with an experienced teacher will give you so much information to help you in your decisions.
Consider writing a Birth plan. When I work with my doula clients- I do not have really any requirements to be of support/service to them. I let my clients tell and show me what they need. Including a birth plan. I don’t require them to have a birth plan or preference sheet. However, if one chooses to have one- its always a good idea to state your preference to communication and style. By understanding your options and possible outcomes, you will be ready for these conversations.
Hire a doula! While a doula cannot be your true advocate (you are you own advocate and a doula can help support you in your choices and getting the information you need), we can ask questions on your behalf and help converse with your provider if needed.
Don’t forget B.R.A.I.N
What are the Benefits to this decision?
What are the Risks?
Are there any Alternatives to this choice or information?
What is my Instinct telling me?
If I choose to do Nothing, like wait an hour, what can I expect?
Finding a provider that aligns with your thinking and needs is SO important. It is YOUR right to have all the information possible for yours and your babies medical care. While conversations can be hard, it’s better to have them, then have outcomes that do not align with your needs and goals. Be well!
